I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
