Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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