Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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