I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
