I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
