Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
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I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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