I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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