I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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