Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
