I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Randomize
