Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
