Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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