Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
