i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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