Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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