I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
