Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
please don't ironically join a cult
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