i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
