we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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