you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
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