I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize