I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
