I can tuck mytits in my pants
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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