i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
