I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
