Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
