Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
