My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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