She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
