matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
