You're a womanizer and a bitch.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Come see our sink grown plant.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
