Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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