even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
