Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the condom got lost in my hair
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
