Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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