Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
