girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
