She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
one two three fourrrrnication!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
