ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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