I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
