just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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