Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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