Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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