I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
