I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Can i not drive my cunt home
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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