i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
