if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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