you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
