So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
