Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
