in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
