I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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