I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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