Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
