You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
