Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
