I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
