I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
