the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
