32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
